WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
