Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
