He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
