I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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