She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
