I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
