That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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