Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
