So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
