One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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