so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize