i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
