I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
