my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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