we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
