he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
