Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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