So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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