He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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