That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
