I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
