i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
