Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
