that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
