Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
