So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
