so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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