You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My bed smells like the plague
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize