soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
