I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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