Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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