if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
