i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He did a backflip because drugs
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