Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
