goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
