Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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