All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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