He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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