she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
