at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
