i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
