Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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