Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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