It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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