I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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