We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
