I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
