how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
there is glitter all over my balls
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
