On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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