I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I need a burrito and a hug.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
