i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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