i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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