i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize