I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
