At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize