My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
