It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
