So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
