you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
