he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize