Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
