Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude i'm inner monologue high
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
