I am spending my child support on dildos
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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