ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
