Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
