Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
