where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
