dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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