So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize