then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
